Issue 29 - The Illusion of Choice

Dear Friends,

The more astute among you may have noticed an absence in weeks late. It may have stirred within you a wish. A desire, even. A longing within the inner self seeking fulfillment in the pursuit of lofty philosophy and the thrilling challenge of questions of deep significance.

We're sorry, but we can't help you with that.

But we have made another issue of The Borrodalian for you to read. That might give you something to do while you wait for inner fulfillment. Knowing you as we do, there's a good chance that you're just trying to avoid studying for your exams anyway. In that instance, The Borrodalian has one very positive attribute - it is quite short and won't either entertain or distract you for too long. If you're not the exam type, then be heartened in the knowledge that sweat still flows in the name of learning in some remote bastions of education the world over.

As the year draws to a close, and so too our editorial contracts, we would hasten to draw to your attention the limited opportunities remaining for your name and letter to be a part of this illustrious publication. The page of history has no record of lofty intentions, but only of the mighty letters of men. Make yours one of them.

Savour this one!

Ever yours,

The Borrodalian Team

Post Script: The only feasible explanation for the seemingly late arrival of this issue lies in the state of our clocks. October 28th saw the commencement of Australian Eastern Daylight Savings Time, and someone at Borrodale Manor reset the clocks a little over-zealously, resulting in one editor sleeping in until last Thursday, the unseasonal blossoming growth of Borrodale's herb garden, and the introduction of federal legislation revoking the month of February 2008 in order to correct the error. We do apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Issue 28 - The Danger of Delayed Consequence

Dear friends,

The year is drawing to a close.

Now, onto a more cheery topic, we are pleased to present you Issue 28. We hope you will be delighted to discover that both Martha and the Bogongs have returned to the front page.

Enjoy!

The Borrodalian Team

Issue 27 - Cleaning Up

Dear ____________,

How are you? Hope you are fine. Haven't caught up in ages! I hope your (mother / father / brother / sister / husband / wife / partner / dog) is (ok / feeling better / happy / miserable / free of fleas).

Things here are (great / mediocre / terrible / as usual / flooded) and I really miss your (company / cooking / money / jokes / dog). I'm sorry I haven't written much, but I (am really busy / have no Internet access / lost my hand in a boating accident / have joined a monastic order and taken a vow of silence / don't like you / don't speak French).

Next time you're in town don't forget to (visit / call me / keep on driving / bring your family / bring the money you owe me / bring your dog). I'd love to (catch up / have you for dinner / give you a hug / scratch your car / punch you in the arm).

Until next (time / letter / year / life),
(So long / Regards / Best wishes / Get lost / Woof)

The Borrodalian

----------------------------- Cut here -----------------------------------------------

We here at The Borrodalian know the value of a personal letter. So please take the above and personalise it to your own taste. If the result offends you, then we cannot be held responsible for your own bad judgment. If you still desire recourse against us, please read the attached issue, for which we may be held entirely responsible, and write a suitable letter to the editor, which will be studiously (published / replied to / ignored / incinerated / forwarded to all our friends and made an object of ridicule / posted on Facebook / launched on the next Space Shuttle).

Love,
The Borrodalian Team

Issue 26 - In Denial of the Secular

Good morning Readers!

Short and hopefully sweet. This phrase may suffice to describe this week's essay. As you will no doubt agree, it also describes the body of this email message.

Enjoy.

Issue 25 - Looking Forward, Looking Back

Dear Friends,

Another week has worked its way around, but we hope that many of you will be enjoying a slightly slower start to the week with a leisurely Public Holiday Monday. We here at the Borrodalian could do no less than provide you with the perfect addition to aid you in this pleasant Monday morning. Here, as you've come to know and love, is our latest issue of the Borrodalian.

A quarter of a century, and still going strong!

Now, sit back, take a sip of your morning tea, layer your toast with a tad more marmalade and enjoy the read.

It's what we'll be doing here!
The Borrodalian Team

Issue 24 - Defined by the Hills?

Dear friends,

We welcome you back to your favourite weekly newspaper, the Borrodalian! And boy do we have a deal for you. For the simple cost of a moment of your time, you will receive an unbelievable deal. Within this very email there are three, that's right, three value packed pages with all you could ask for. Not only will you receive the authentic Borrodalian Essay, but also contained within are personal letters from each and every one of the Borrodalian editors. I know your excitement can but barely wait, so I shall hold you back no longer!

Onward!

The Borrodalian Team

Issue 23 - A Matured Argument

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your pixels,

Now that national security has been well and truly re-established we are proud to return you to your scheduled programming. It may, we hope, provide welcome relief from the rather orthodox offerings of photo opportunities with global dignitaries from the bulk of the media in the past week. Then again it may not.

Sadly, our editorial budget here at The Borrodalian does not extend to cover extended legal proceedings or bail, so we are unable to bring you any news coverage so interesting as our rivals Messrs Licciardello et al at The Chaser. However we do offer letters, poetry, and a positively (or perhaps negatively) Plutarchian discourse on virtue.

With much amusement,
The Borrodalian Team

PS. Don't forget you can check out all of our issues on our website, at the highly prestigious URL http://borrodalian.blogspot.com If you wish to receive weekly emails of The Borrodalian without the PDF attached but with a link to the website instead, then please drop us a line and we can easily accommodate your request.

PPS If you are receiving this email at a UNSW student number address (i.e. z1234567@student.unsw.edu.au) then please drop us a line and let us know who you are. As cunning as we all are here at The Borrodalian, not many of us have a good head for numbers and we've disassociated your email address from your name. Yes, there is a technological solution to discover your identity. But this method is so much less effort on our behalf, and has the additional benefit of coercing you into sending us a letter!

Issue 22 - On Simple Truths

Hello friends,

It has occurred to us that our customary salutation in these emails - 'friends' - is a term that has been debased by the social upstart 'facebook'. For the site to associate friendship with a mere mouseclick of assent, or worse, rejection is a travesty, when you consider the richness and depth of relationship which the word 'friendship' can entail.

Rest assured, dear reader, that our salutation to you is heartfelt and sincere. You receive this publication not resulting from a fragmented, tangential and somewhat irrelevant communication in hyperspace, but as a valued member of our readership. This week again we are excited to have manifested the depth of your insight, with two lively letters to grace our front page. And continuing this theme of exploring the way we use words is a witty essay from Mr Frazer.

It has also come to our attention that the emailed attachments may be a greater burden than some of your mailboxes can bear. If you would prefer to receive a link each week from Borrodale Press, allowing you to download our publication at your convenience, please notify us and we will endeavour to set this up.

Enough said. We give you Issue 22.

With regard,

The Borrodalian Team

Issue 21 - You'd never do that to Mozart

Dear friends,

Twenty one is a significant number in our society. But at Borrodale Press we don't like to draw particular notice to the issue number, unless we are really struggling for things to write in this welcoming missive. Having said that, we are delighted to bring you an issue that contains not one, not even two, but three, genuine (ie not fabricated by the Editorial team or from our staff writer, Martha), reader contributed letters. Now that's far more worthy of celebration than merely reaching the one and twentieth anniversary of taking your first breath.

With that, we leave you hanging in eager anticipation of the juicy morsels that await you inside.

Until sweet twenty-two,

The Borrodalian Team

Issue 20 - Mission?

Dear Friends,

How are you? It's been a while since we spoke in person - pray accept our apologies. May this edition serve to care for our relationship during our geographical separation. We hope that this morning finds you well wherever you may be. And, with any luck, this weeks missive won't transmit a virus or draw a veil of pessimism over your vision. As always, breathe deeply, sip your coffee and relax – the moment has come ...

Ever yours,

The Borrodalian Team

Issue 19 - The obsession with rights

Dear friends,

Welcome to the most read section of our newspaper. Congratulations for making it this far!

But having reached this noble point, do not consider, gentle reader, that your work is done. We hope you merely pause for breath, as would a hiker taking in a scenic vista but midway up the mountain. Rally your flagging sherpa and press on to the summit (conveniently located in the attached file - no sweat or tears need be shed in this ascent).

We hope that the dizzying heights are not too great, and that the view you find is pleasant and refreshing.

Slide gently down the southern face and on into Monday.

Ever yours,

The Borrodalian Team

Issue 18 - On Birth, Growth, Revelation and Trifle

Hello Possums,

The very cockles of our heart were warmed by the fervent buzz awaiting the arrival of this, our return issue. It is comforting to know that we are still being read!

So we went all out this week and have given you a whole three pages of material for the bottom of your digital budgie cage. May it bring you mediocre merriment, mild madness, and much musing.

With love and kisses,
The Borrodalian Team,
Moonee Ponds

Issue 17 - Strong Christians

Howdy y'all,

It is said that there is no rest for the wicked. We are truly wicked here at Borrodale Asylum and so naturally we have remained restless in order to bring you this, our 17th edition!

Some facts:

• 17 is the atomic number of chlorine
• 17 is an Eisenstein prime, the third Fermat prime, the third Stern prime, and is not a Higgs prime
• 17 is the age at which a person may drive a car in Ireland
• 17 is the age of the "Dancing Queen"
• 17 is the number most likely to be picked by people asked to select a random number less than 20 (according to an MIT study)
• 17 AD was the year that Livy published his "History of Rome Since Its Foundation" in 142 volumes

Armed with this knowledge, you are now ready to tackle a most singular publication that is sure to add to Wikipedia's entry on the number 17. Perhaps.

Another fact before you go: any reader able to refer 17 new subscribers over the winter recess will earn themselves an all expenses paid (limited to the cost of a blue student travel ten) dinner for two at the prestigious Maison de Borrodale. The Borrodalian will soon come of age reaching our 18th issue. At last we can leave behind the angsty teen issues that have annoyed you all lately and get back to our relatively mature and post-adolescent selves. Who knows, we may even break out the champagne to celebrate!

Until next time, gentle reader, adieu

Y'all come back now, y'hear?

The Borrodalian Team

Note that as a result of the university's winter recess The Borrodalian may be entering into its own creative hiatus for a while. Depends on how enthusiastic we're feeling, really. Stay tuned...

Issue 16 - Time

Good morning to you, reader or friend,

At risk of being sued for copyright infringement, this edition is entitled 'Time'. This is not an intentional reference to the well known weekly magazine, although it might get a few more readers to open the email by accident.

There have been suggestions that some parts of this week's Borrodalian are out of place, perhaps deserving their own edition. This may well be so. However, if one of our dedicated readers could point out the link between the welcome paragraph and the essay, we would be greatly obliged, and Irish would have his name cleared once and for all.

Treasure the next 7 days, or time will steal them from you,
The Borrodalian Team

Issue 15 - The Power of an Idea

Good morning to you, reader and friend,

At least one of our editors at The Borrodalian has undergone the somewhat trialling experience of being part of an audience addressed by a representative from a firm involved in, of all things, concrete manufacture. This esteemed ambassador of all things cement-and-conglomerate-based managed to keep a crowd of teenagers entertained (and I use the term loosely) for an hour and a half, enlightening us all on the finer points of concrete. During that experience*, thoughts arose in the particular editor's mind that drinking molten tree sap would be more fun than remaining in his seat, but common sense, and the lack of nearby forestation prevented him from acting upon those impulses.

We here at The Borrodalian love talking concrete at great length, though mostly in the abstract, so here to brighten your Monday morning is yet another edition of our humble publication. This week we report on the climate change situation at some length (a whole paragraph) and delve into the philosophy surrounding humanity's rejection of God.

We advise that you should avoid reading this issue of The Borrodalian nearby any plant material that may emit sap. If driven to insanity, stop reading, take three deep breaths, count to ten and say "King's afford Kingsford Kingswoods" seven times quickly. Then calmly explain to the people staring at you that it's OK because you're not an editor. If this happens and you are an editor, then please find the nearest sappy tree.

Until next quarter-orbit of the moon around the earth,
The Borrodalian Team

*The experience in question being at nothing less than the NYSF for those readers for whom that means something other than the New York Sportfishing Association

Issue 14 - The Numbers Game

G'day, ni hao, Howdy y'all, ciao buon giorno, konnichiwa, buenos dias, goeie dag, bonjour, ahnyounghasaeyo,

Warm greetings from the International Desk of Borrodale Press. This edition is dedicated to our international subscribers, growing in number with each edition. Like a delicately flavoured meal, this issue combines rare spices from our subscribers around the world, presenting a vivid insight into our world.

We also bring you a witty missive from our resident number cruncher that we hope to hear back from you on.

So grab your bags...and don't forget a thining cap.

Ever yours,

The Borrodalian Team

Issue 13 - Musings on a Sonnet

Greetings from the lofty heights of Kingsford (as seen by plane),

It's great to have your suburb named after the local airport. It means that at 5am you can get to the airport in well under 10 minutes. It also means that your publishing house can share its location (at least in name) with one of Australia's finest aviators, and enjoy Federal representation from the former Midnight Oil frontman.

However these stunning attributes of our humble locale are rapidly fading into insignificance when faced with the tremendous attention being won by this insightful weekly. In fact in recent discussions about the expansion of Sydney Airport to include a fourth runway, Macquarie has indicated that naming rights may indeed be given to this paper. Just to think - planes landing on 'Borrodale South'...you heard it here first!

But enough of that. On with Issue 13.

Ever yours,

The Borrodalian Team

Issue 12 - Pointing to Jesus.pdf

Ahoy there!

Well, Issue 12 is here. And how wonderful is the number 12? A dozen! Where Issue 11 could only claim two (positive integer) factors (1 and itself, ie it was prime), Issue 12 boasts a total of 6! Such wonder...

Regardless, this tidbit of fun is nothing compared to what is packed into this Issue! To let any more be said would be to build up too much anticipation!

So onward, and enjoy.

The Borrodalian Team

Issue 11 - Praxis

Friends, Romans, Countrymen,

Don't bother lending us your ears. We like corn, and your eyes will be much more useful to digest this hearty weekly. This week, a special edition marking our inaugral 11th week of publication (we enjoyed the 10th so much we couldn't help another anniversary!).

Before you start reading the greater works of Shakespeare, we suggest warming up with this practical issue. For a start, it's much shorter. As the great Bard said: " When words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain". And who knows where it will be in 400 years [probably still undread in your inbox, methinks]!

The Borrodalian Team

Issue 10 - On Thinking about thinking about

Dear friends,

Welcome once again to your weekly installment of the Borrodalian. Attached is the 10th Issue. What does the landmark of ten issues mean to us? Honestly, not a huge amount. However, now into multiple digits, we thought to celebrate with a special edition header and a return of our beloved Martha.

But now, onward!

Enjoy,

The Borrodalian Team